Who is Serving Who?

My generation didn’t grow up with much formal teaching or structure around giving back.  Oh sure, my parents, who didn’t have much, would share the abundance of their vegetable garden with neighbours who had less.  That was just my parents being especially kind, or so I thought.  I didn’t know then that service and sharing with your neighbour was a way of life for their generation. 

People born in the depression and raising kids post World War II understood the true value of things. Those who had little to lose, lost nothing by sharing.  Somewhere in the 1980s and 90s, we became more about receiving, amassing and even judging those who had less.  Labels became “a thing”.  Two pairs of boots that looked exactly the same would not hold the same value socially, if one had a “prestigious label” and a bigger price tag.  When did the label on something become more important than the quality of something?

When meeting new people we often ask questions that label them instead of really getting to know WHO they are.  What do you do?  Where do you live?  What University did you attend?  What is your religion? Are you married with kids?  As if somehow the answers to those questions provide just the right shaped box and label to place this new person in.  How did we get so lazy?

In the early 2000’s, Ontario started mandatory volunteerism in high schools.  It became necessary for every label loving teen to put their own needs aside and help others.  Suddenly, volunteering became palatable again, even trendy.  Trips to other countries to build schools, charity donations in lieu of holiday gifts, food banks at the schools, #payitforward in everyday life …..

During that time I was in my 30s and jumped off the narcissism train onto a giving platform.  I started with Habitat for Humanity.  I broke my nails, worked up a sweat, hated taking direction from a guy who thought I was fancy and useless on a construction site.  But I got my tasks done and gradually gained some respect from the foreman.  I never went back to meet the people we built the homes for to see the end result.  I don’t think I was really doing it for the right reasons then.

“You give but little when you give of your possessions.
It is when you give of yourself that you truly give.” 
― Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet

Having children in my late 30s changed my priorities.  I wanted them to grow up with service as a normal part of their everyday life.  At first the giving was very public and loud, followed by the customary backlash that appears from those who don’t give much themselves, but would criticize those who do.  In my experience, true and committed givers know that ANY amount of giving to ANY vulnerable persons is an act of kindness beyond criticism.  Even so, to avoid unwanted drama – our regular giving needed to become quiet, and private, and was for many years, until recently.

These last few months we served in a very public way, doing our small part to help Syrian refugees coming to the Greater Toronto Area this winter.  Outside of raising our own little humans, it has been THE most important thing we have been a part of in our lives.  My faith in #kindnessISlouder renewed when volunteers crowded in to help, without asking or knowing another’s career, economic status, level of education, religious or political beliefs.  My faith in service increased when volunteers prioritized the great need of strangers ahead of their own jobs, businesses and even their families, for this short period of time.  Humans coming together to selflessly help strangers, because there was a need and it was the right thing to do. 

It was necessary for my family to help this cause publicly in order to maximize the benefit of our contribution.  This more public giving has not been without that unwelcome backlash of negative comments and attention.  There are people who believe others MUST be getting something tangible in return when they give.  Some are suspicious of those who decline attention or status, wanting only to help. 

I don’t care why people serve, but I hope they do.  I’ve learned that those who hurl negatively at another are usually unhappy with themselves.  More importantly, I’ve learned that I don’t care – I will serve anyway. 

I have a message for critics – you are ALL right about me and my family.  We DO get something tangible from giving.  When we give in the service of another, it is really our own humanity and spirit we are giving to – in immeasurable ways. 

#kindnessISlouder