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Stop Fighting with Your Brother!!!!

If you have more than one child, or have siblings, you know that kids who grow up together fight.  Mine certainly do.  No matter how much they love each other, they also get under each other’s skin like no other human on earth.  They are unique individuals with different ideas, intentions and their own package of experiences to draw from.  In my house, that means my confident, passionate kids often reach gridlock trying to lead the other through creative ideas for play.

They might spend hours together playing quite happily until the fireworks start.  Mom or Dad then display the black and white referee uniform yelling “time out” or “stay away from each other” -  over and over again.  It is that day when it seems it is only our own kids who don’t get along and as we sink into our failure as a parent, begin to dream of a nanny, a sandy beach and a pina colada ( or 10).

Today was that day for me.  After raising my voice a few times and separating them repeatedly, it occurred to me that I have resources and can do better.  The creative savvy I use in my professional life needed to spark a new parenting tool.  Soon after that realization, a crazy idea shot out at me – from the recycle bin. 

I made an ‘idea-scale’ with weights for each child.  I called them from their ‘separate corners’ and put on my show.  One child was instructed to add one idea, and then the other child added one to their side.  The scale balanced.  I explained when the scale balances both sides feel respected and good about moving forward. 

I then instructed one child to add several weights while the other did not.  The scale tipped way to the other side.  I asked them what happened then.  I heard responses like “it’s unbalanced”, “it’s not fun anymore”, and also “it’s not fair to the other person now”. 

I took it one step further.  I reminded them that they live in the same house now but when they are grown, if one sibling attempts to dominate the other with their ideas and doesn’t show the other the respect they deserve, they could forever break their bond.  Both immediately indicated they didn’t want that outcome and went off to resume play.

Voila – the idea-scale that took 3 minutes to construct delivered several hours of peace for me to finish my client work and enjoy the rest of this lovely summer day with happier kids.  This lesson could last one day or a lifetime but the important thing is to keep trying.


Whatever works, my fellow parenting survivors.  Whatever works!

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