If you have more than one child, or have siblings, you know
that kids who grow up together fight.
Mine certainly do. No matter how
much they love each other, they also get under each other’s skin like no other
human on earth. They are unique
individuals with different ideas, intentions and their own package of
experiences to draw from. In my house,
that means my confident, passionate kids often reach gridlock trying to lead
the other through creative ideas for play.
They might spend hours together playing quite happily until
the fireworks start. Mom or Dad then display
the black and white referee uniform yelling “time out” or “stay away from each
other” - over and over again. It is that
day when it seems it is only our own kids who don’t get along and as we
sink into our failure as a parent, begin to dream of a nanny, a sandy beach and
a pina colada ( or 10).
Today was that day
for me. After raising my voice a few
times and separating them repeatedly, it occurred to me that I have resources
and can do better. The creative savvy I
use in my professional life needed to spark a new parenting tool. Soon after that realization, a crazy idea shot
out at me – from the recycle bin.
I made an ‘idea-scale’
with weights for each child. I called
them from their ‘separate corners’ and put on my show. One child was instructed to add one idea, and
then the other child added one to their side.
The scale balanced. I explained
when the scale balances both sides feel respected and good about moving
forward.
I then instructed one child to add several weights while the
other did not. The scale tipped way to
the other side. I asked them what
happened then. I heard responses like “it’s
unbalanced”, “it’s not fun anymore”, and also “it’s not fair to the other
person now”.
I took it one step further.
I reminded them that they live in the same house now but when they are
grown, if one sibling attempts to dominate the other with their ideas and doesn’t
show the other the respect they deserve, they could forever break their
bond. Both immediately indicated they
didn’t want that outcome and went off to resume play.
Voila – the idea-scale that took 3 minutes to construct delivered
several hours of peace for me to finish my client work and enjoy the rest of
this lovely summer day with happier kids.
This lesson could last one day or a lifetime but the important thing is
to keep trying.
Whatever works, my fellow parenting
survivors. Whatever works!
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