Always. Never. Only.

Welcome to my first Guest Blogger - Jenn of Oh So Nourished.   I love her perspective.  And we all know I respect women who share truth to help lift each other up!    

 ~ Sheri Gammon Dewling ~

Dear Moms,

Does this sound familiar to you? 

  

“I will only use cloth diapers.”  

“I will hand make all of my baby’s food.” 

  “I will exclusively breastfeed my baby.” 

 “I will always wear my baby.”  

“I will never let my baby see me angry.” 

Always, always, always.  Never, never, never. Only, only, only.

Ah, the sweet haze of first time parenthood.  Scratch that—the sweet haze that preceded first time parenthood.  When I was pregnant, I was confident that I would be able to live up to my own expectations of crunchy motherhood. I was able to live up to my own standards before baby, so surely I could do it once she got here…right?

Wrong. 

For the first month of W’s life we used disposable diapers because, well, who the heck has time to wash all those cloth diapers while getting three or four hours of sleep a day and learning how to take care of a newborn?  Some people do.  We did not.  For the first four months of W’s life I had no choice but to supplement with formula because, guess what?  Breastfeeding is hard. I do wear W a lot but she is heavy and my back is sore so the stroller has become a regular part of our lives.  She loves it.  I get to drink hot coffee.  Enough said. I make baby food and buy baby food; the baby is fed.  I have definitely lost my cool in front of W on more than one occasion; I've even let an “f-bomb” or two slip.  I am human… a tired, tired human.

For a while, all of these little concessions felt like failures.  I was honestly disappointed in myself for not just getting it done.  Everyone else praised me for being a great mom but I was generally too busy manically folding diapers while simultaneously pureeing food to hear them.  I was too hard on myself.  Moms as a species (and I do think that mothers are some sort of hybrid species able somehow to sustain themselves on caffeine and baby toes) are too hard on themselves. 

Once I was able to accept that my ideals were just that, life got easier.  I became more confident and contented.  I was able to hear and accept the compliments that others shared with me and the senseless competition I was having with myself faded away.  Most importantly, time spent with my baby became sacred and I now feel less compelled to do chores around her and more inspired to interact with her and let the house “go” from time to time.  Ideals and goals are wonderful things to have, but I have learned not to strive for them at the expense of living in the present moment.