Skip to main content

Always. Never. Only.


Welcome to my first Guest Blogger - Jenn of Oh So Nourished.   I love her perspective.  And we all know I respect women who share truth to help lift each other up!    
 ~ Sheri Gammon Dewling ~


Dear Moms,

Does this sound familiar to you? 
  
“I will only use cloth diapers.”  

“I will hand make all of my baby’s food.” 

  “I will exclusively breastfeed my baby.” 

 “I will always wear my baby.”  

“I will never let my baby see me angry.” 

Always, always, always.  Never, never, never. Only, only, only.

Ah, the sweet haze of first time parenthood.  Scratch that—the sweet haze that preceded first time parenthood.  When I was pregnant, I was confident that I would be able to live up to my own expectations of crunchy motherhood. I was able to live up to my own standards before baby, so surely I could do it once she got here…right?

Wrong. 

For the first month of W’s life we used disposable diapers because, well, who the heck has time to wash all those cloth diapers while getting three or four hours of sleep a day and learning how to take care of a newborn?  Some people do.  We did not.  For the first four months of W’s life I had no choice but to supplement with formula because, guess what?  Breastfeeding is hard. I do wear W a lot but she is heavy and my back is sore so the stroller has become a regular part of our lives.  She loves it.  I get to drink hot coffee.  Enough said. I make baby food and buy baby food; the baby is fed.  I have definitely lost my cool in front of W on more than one occasion; I've even let an “f-bomb” or two slip.  I am human… a tired, tired human.

For a while, all of these little concessions felt like failures.  I was honestly disappointed in myself for not just getting it done.  Everyone else praised me for being a great mom but I was generally too busy manically folding diapers while simultaneously pureeing food to hear them.  I was too hard on myself.  Moms as a species (and I do think that mothers are some sort of hybrid species able somehow to sustain themselves on caffeine and baby toes) are too hard on themselves. 


Once I was able to accept that my ideals were just that, life got easier.  I became more confident and contented.  I was able to hear and accept the compliments that others shared with me and the senseless competition I was having with myself faded away.  Most importantly, time spent with my baby became sacred and I now feel less compelled to do chores around her and more inspired to interact with her and let the house “go” from time to time.  Ideals and goals are wonderful things to have, but I have learned not to strive for them at the expense of living in the present moment.  

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Depression Lies

Depression lies to us about who we are.   It tricks us into believing negative self-talk, and then tries to make us too tired to fight back.   It makes our bodies ache to discourage the physical activity that would create endorphins so needed to quiet the negative noise.   Depression may tell us to either starve or over-feed our bodies, both attempts to skew our self-image. Depression lies to us, and sometimes we listen. I know depression.   I used to be afraid to admit our acquaintance.   In my 20s it would visit infrequently.     I called it something else until I met it more often and our relationship grew. In my early 30s it was called S.A.D. (Seasonal Affected Disorder).   Turns out my body likes sunshine.   Once I left my retail travel career with 4 Caribbean jaunts each winter, my Doctor noticed a pattern of symptoms and a subsequent treatment plan was initiated.   In my late 30s we became intimately acquainted, after each child birth and many hormonal shifts.     Depr
Post a Comment
Read more

Is it wrong to tell kids that their future is limitless?

So many of us tell our kids “you can be anything you want to be when you grow up”.  But can they? The first time I told my daughter she had limits was during the naming of Catholic Pope Francis in 2013.  She was 8 and asked if she could be Pope one day.  I told her females are not allowed to be head of the Catholic Church.  I answered her “why” with my own bias; “because some people think tradition is more important than equality”.  I’ve watched businesses, young parents, grandparents all decide what toys are for girls and which for boys.  I guess girls don’t grow up to drive cars or build buildings.  Perhaps men don’t become Fathers or caregivers.  If that is true, it is a waste of time for girls to play with cars or blocks or for boys to like dolls.  We tell them they can be ANYTHING when they grow up, yet we limit their play as children.   If their future is limitless, why don’t we limit our children less? We teach our kids to be kind to all people.  Not to be a
Post a Comment
Read more

A Mother's Circle of Life Love Song

What does a writer do with strong feelings .....write.  A tribute to my Mum. A Mother’s Circle of Life Love Song  ~ Sheri Gammon Dewling ~ Good night sweet girl, Mum said as she tucked me in each night. May my loving arms enfold you and protect you from the fright. I know you like to be awake and join in all the fun. Now it’s time for you to sleep. Tomorrow will soon come. Bless your heart, Mum told me as I learned, fell down and grew. May you face each day with kindness and continue to be true. I know the right decision isn’t always plain to know. Now it’s time for you to lead.   I’m proud to watch you grow. Good night sweet girl, I told her, as I watched her body fail. May the love of family guide you as your spirit starts to sail. I know you cherished life on earth, where your joy has always played. Now it’s time for you to sleep – no need to be afraid. Bless your heart, I said to her, as she took her last, slow breaths. May your journey of
Post a Comment
Read more