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Please Don’t be My Valentine!


I am all for Lovers showing appreciation of one another.  I even think acknowledging the positive impact someone has made is critical to the health of any relationship.  What gives me stress is the idea this show of appreciation must happen on a specific day – February 14th each and every year. 

We search for just the right gift to show our partner how much we care.  But what if we aren’t inspired at that time?  What if, like me, you have used up all your creativity on your mate’s December Birthday and Christmas, leaving the inspiration pool empty for February?  That is when the stress levels start to go up.  The self-inflicted pressure to find an inspired treasure or the perfect restaurant reservation, serve to suck all of the warm intention out of the event.

Married 10 years with two kids, I would often look at the dozen red roses my husband so thoughtfully delivers on Valentine’s Day and say to myself – I would rather put the money into our next family vacation– or have dinner delivered on a busy day.  Ungrateful - maybe, but it is my honest truth. 
Not on February 14th - but
 when the feeling strikes!

This past fall, my husband arrived home early from work one Friday to find me soaking in a hot tub, after a long week.  He had my favourite Pumpkin Spice Latte from Starbucks, and a small bouquet of spring flowers.  The card read, “Thank you for being a great Partner”.  We had a particularly difficult week with balancing each of our work commitments along with our kid’s schedules and household responsibilities.  I had to cover some of his share that week and he wanted to show he knew it wasn’t easy for me.

THAT is the kind of acknowledgement I appreciate.  I love to receive a token of appreciation right when the spirit moves someone.  The cost of the item is irrelevant – it is the sincere inspiration behind it that shows me I am seen, heard and appreciated in a relationship. 

I don’t want to be or have a Valentine on February 14th.  Maybe my husband and I are irritating each other that day and the gift will seem trite and artificial.  A few years ago my husband and I changed our deal.  We get each other a card – do something with the kids for Valentines.. .and then make sure we show true and sincere appreciation to each other throughout the year – not just on one stressful day in February.

If my husband is reading this - a card and diamonds would NOT be turned away ANY day of the year - February 14th included xoxo.

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