Depression Lies

Depression lies to us about who we are.  It tricks us into believing negative self-talk, and then tries to make us too tired to fight back.  It makes our bodies ache to discourage the physical activity that would create endorphins so needed to quiet the negative noise.  Depression may tell us to either starve or over-feed our bodies, both attempts to skew our self-image.

Depression lies to us, and sometimes we listen.

I know depression.  I used to be afraid to admit our acquaintance.  In my 20s it would visit infrequently.   I called it something else until I met it more often and our relationship grew. In my early 30s it was called S.A.D. (Seasonal Affected Disorder).  Turns out my body likes sunshine.  Once I left my retail travel career with 4 Caribbean jaunts each winter, my Doctor noticed a pattern of symptoms and a subsequent treatment plan was initiated.  In my late 30s we became intimately acquainted, after each child birth and many hormonal shifts.   Depression then changed its name to PPD (Post-Partum Depression). 

 

I kept depression a secret until after my first bout of PPD.  One brave woman recognized my symptoms and shared her private story with me. Her bravery buoyed me and changed my direction.  She taught me to use my own courage.  It was time to pay forward the relief that came with knowing I was not alone.  I decided to be very open about it from that point forward and faced differing reactions to my honesty.   I received sympathy and understanding from many.  Some showed apathy and even denial of their own obvious histories with depression.  The most extreme reaction was disappointment and rebuff from those who saw depression as a figment of my imagination, being utilized for attention seeking and other self-fulfilling endeavours.

Depression is not a choice.  It is a disease with clinical symptoms.  Like any disease, recovery IS affected by our own attitudes.  After many sessions of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), I know to start planning before the symptoms get too strong.  Every January I begin planning to fight ‘the winter blues’, a.k.a. S.A.D.  The plan involves a sun lamp, vitamin D and foods rich in it, an exercise plan, and self-awareness followed by strong doses of positive self-talk. 

I have come to know depression as a constant tease that sways between mildly irritating and incredibly destructive.  It’s never completely gone.  Depression is a trickster, like a wolf that lies in wait for a chance to pounce.  Now that I am brave and educated, it is a fight I am up for, and proudly win, no matter how many battles I face.

If you or someone you love struggles with depression, please contact your Doctor resources.  You too can become educated and win the fight; Mental Health Commission of Canada (http://www.mentalhealthcommission.ca/English/Pages/default.aspx) and Mental Health America (http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/).