Mommy, is Santa Real?

For those of us who celebrate Christmas, we know one day our child will ask the truth about Santa.  My daughter did today, and I told her the truth.  “Yes Zoey, Santa is real.”  Confused, she said, “But Mommy, <BOY> at school said it is all a big lie.  His Mommy said Santa is NOT real and <BOY> said I am stupid to think he is.” As I often do at times like these, I ask myself who teaches that poor boy about kindness and hurtful words, but I digress. 

I took a deep breath, put aside the conversation about the boy, for later, and invoked the answer to this question that has been forming since her first day of school.   I told her that I believe Santa is real. I asked her to let me explain and then she could decide what she believes.  I reminded her that as Christians, we believe God is real, even if we can’t see or hear him the way we do each other.  I told her that Santa is the spirit of giving, much like the wise men who brought gifts on that very first Christmas. 

“But Mommy, who gives me the presents from "Santa" and who is that man at the Mall.”   Breath continued to be important for me in this exchange. “The man at the mall is not the real Santa – he is an actor.  Santa is not a man – he is the spirit of giving.  And the gifts are from Mommy and Daddy. You see, we have also been blessed with the spirit of giving.” Her eyes started to tear up so I pushed through with more explanation and a bit of humour.  

“Zoey – the spirit of giving is very special.  It is when we give to others and don’t get any credit for it. ”  I went on to talk about the big celebration with my family each year, where all gifts are from Santa – not one person signs their own name or takes credit for giving the gifts. “And besides,” I said with a horrified expression.  “Isn’t it kind of creepy to think a man named Santa could just come into our home in the middle of the night???” Her giggles chased the tears away and she nodded in agreement.  I asked her what she thought about Santa now and with conviction she answered, "I choose to believe too Mommy".

She continued to ask more questions, and I remained consistent.  I asked her to refrain from discussing “the real Santa” with her little brother.  We then practiced a caring approach for a smaller child who still believes in Santa, the ‘man’, if she is ever asked.  She plans to say, “I believe Santa is real.” And if a smaller child persists, she will tell them to talk to their own parents.

For me, this conversation was not just about Santa but the deeper question of differing belief systems and teaching our kids to navigate them respectfully.  We live in a melting pot of traditions, religions and beliefs.  As parents, we guide our children, not only in their own words and actions but in how they influence others.  One of the best gifts I can give my children is an open-minded respect for others who differ from them, even when they themselves are not treated that way. We can’t control the actions of others, but we have complete control over our own reactions.