5 Parenting Mistakes – I Know, I’ve Made Them

One of my favourite quotes “we teach that which we most need to learn”, by Richard Bach, explains why I am driven to write posts like this.   There are many books written about parenting but no “ideal parent” software that we can download and execute perfectly 100% of the time.  For me, continuous reminders improve the odds.

1.       Do not limit your child by labelling them.  In my head I said “stop being a brat”, what I actually said was “stop that bratty behavior” – but my daughter still heard the former.  An instance of behaviour does not define them.  Better to describe the behavior, not the child but there must have been a better word than ‘bratty’.   As Dr. Phil says, “It takes 100 ‘atta boys’ to erase one hurtful word”.

2.       Avoid showing frustration negatively.  Apparently I growl.  When a jar won’t open or the computer errors, I growl.  Children are mirrors, pushing our own behaviours in in front of us as they practice what we have modelled.  I now have two children who growl - when their homework answers aren’t coming or a toy doesn’t co-operate.  It is much harder to ‘unteach’ a negative behaviour than to model a positive one, from the beginning. 

3.       Stop forcing food.  My son once sat at the dinner table for 2 hours, scowling over the same dinner he did NOT want to eat.  Too great a focus on food creates unhealthy ‘food-attudes’.  Kids will eat when they get hungry enough and we will never get those two hours back.

4.       Limit the electronic babysitters.  It is so easy to plunk the kids in front of an entertaining movie to get a much needed break.  I am a believer in “the parent must be ok for the kid to be ok” so a certain amount works, but balance is critical.  Limit the total amount of time in a day that screen time (TV/DVD/iPAD/computer) and balance with other activities like sports, drawing, crafts, or learning household tasks, to create a more well-rounded experience.

5.       There is such a thing as doing too much for our kids.  Our job is to teach them, let them make some mistakes and help prepare them for a world without us.  Proving that we are good caregivers, cleaners, cooks and gardeners doesn’t make the child capable or self-reliant.  Chinese proverb; “Give someone a fish and they'll eat for a day. Teach someone to fish and they'll eat for a lifetime.”

I am not a PHD, just a 40 something Mom of 2 kids under 8 who has learned a thing or two you might find makes sense for you.  If not, at the very least maybe my mistakes will make you feel better about your own.  “Mother’s Guilt” only makes us feel guilty and shares negative energy with our kids.  Put your best foot forward and they will too.