Skip to main content

Respect Don’t Expect


Among the many morsels of wisdom my Dad imparted before he died, one has always stuck with me; respect don’t expect. At first pass it sounds simple, then the second time it takes on new complexity. It took me a while to really understand what he meant and now that I do, I must remind myself repeatedly.
 
“Respect” has always been one of the character traits I most value. Like most kids of my generation, I grew up being told “respect your elders”. I did, and still do but have changed my view some. I believe in respect of ALL people. To the best of my ability, no matter who they are, how old, faulted, irritating or rude, I do my best to show respect. I believe that hurt people hurt people and if we show people kindness and respect, there is a greater chance they will behave better in their next interaction.
 
In keeping with my belief in ‘pay it forward’, I do believe one who gives respect will get it in return. I remember the day my Dad first shared his saying with me. Someone had hurt me very much. It was a person I had treated with great kindness, had taken risks to help and had forgiven repeatedly. I made a mistake that hurt that person, and was immediately rejected and discarded. I was so upset that I hadn’t received the same respect I had shown them. I deserved it and I expected to get what I deserved.

After listening to my story, my Dad said, “respect, don’t expect”. If I didn’t then, I now know what he meant. It doesn’t matter what others do, it matters what we do. We can’t control what we get from people but we can control what we give. Two of the beads of wisdom I have tried to pass onto my kids are to respect others and themselves, and to understand that they can only control their own behaviors and reactions, not others.  And as always, I remind myself that we teach that which we most need to learn.

My daughter returned home from school yesterday with special news. She won an award at school. For the month of September, my daughter won the respect award because her Teacher and the school Principal felt she had displayed that character trait more than any other. The example given was her ability to work with any child in the class; whether her regular seat was moved or in various group work, she displayed respect for others.

 “Why are you crying Mommy”, she asked after she shared her news. “I am happy and so proud of you,” I choked out. A smile burst across her face and jumped into my arms. I hugged her tight and whispered in her ear, “Respect don’t expect, Baby. Thanks for reminding me.”

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It Only Takes One

My son's daycare had five amazing, 8-foot sunflowers growing in their garden this summer.  My own sunflowers didn't do very well so we asked if we could have some of the seeds from daycare to plant in our garden next summer.  Shawna began to harvest the seeds from the faces of the sunflowers.  She took some home with her and a creature destroyed most of them - only a few remaining in their shells.  She returned to daycare to learn that the heads of the remaining sunflowers had been stolen right off their stalks in the yard of the daycare.  The ladies were upset and disappointed that they might not be able to carry on the tradition of their sunflowers. Cornell Sunflower - see the attempt at taping the stem ... When my husband got home from work today he told me their story and asked,"hey - do you have any more of those books with the 'Cornell Sunflower' story?"  A story I wrote was published by 'Chicken Soup' and the similarities to th...
1 comment
Read more

Elvis the Cat

Elvis the cat went missing last Thursday night.   For 14 years Elvis the Cat lived with me indoors. He was afraid of the outside.   Due to kidney disease, he has been living on borrowed time but was still vibrant, fat and happy.   Lately, he seemed desperate to get outside.   I had been warned he might run away to die.      I searched for two days and nights, was sad, and began to look back …. We met at a farm in 1999.   He was undernourished, with mites and fleas.   I was embarking on a new, independent life.   We knew instantly that we belonged to each other.   I nursed him back to life – physically, and he nourished my spirit.   I didn’t hear him meow for the first few years of his life.   I always thought it was because I saw to his every need before he knew he had it.   At night, he would sleep curled in my arms.   If he heard a noise, he would perch on the end of my bed between me and a potenti...
Post a Comment
Read more

Cornell Community Soup

“Cornell Community Soup” is more than just a metaphor for the melting pot of cultures, religions, beliefs and politics we embody.  The Village of Cornell is nestled in the eastern boarder of Markham, Ontario, surrounded by sister villages that continue the tradition of service and support throughout the community.  I have lived on my block in Cornell for 16 years.  Bigger houses with lower prices from the north continue to tempt, yet the warm hug of this community always keeps us home.  In anticipation of another exciting Blue Jay’s post season game, a pot of turkey soup is simmering on our stove.  Turkey from the Markham Butcher , and carrots and garlic from Reesor Farm .  Both local small business run by families who suffered losses this month.  The Markham Butcher and his wife lost their precious baby son earlier this month.  An unfathomable tragedy.  Reesor Farm was   targeted by trespassers and looters  on Thanksgiving Mon...
Post a Comment
Read more