Respect Don’t Expect

Among the many morsels of wisdom my Dad imparted before he died, one has always stuck with me; respect don’t expect. At first pass it sounds simple, then the second time it takes on new complexity. It took me a while to really understand what he meant and now that I do, I must remind myself repeatedly.

 

“Respect” has always been one of the character traits I most value. Like most kids of my generation, I grew up being told “respect your elders”. I did, and still do but have changed my view some. I believe in respect of ALL people. To the best of my ability, no matter who they are, how old, faulted, irritating or rude, I do my best to show respect. I believe that hurt people hurt people and if we show people kindness and respect, there is a greater chance they will behave better in their next interaction.

 

In keeping with my belief in ‘pay it forward’, I do believe one who gives respect will get it in return. I remember the day my Dad first shared his saying with me. Someone had hurt me very much. It was a person I had treated with great kindness, had taken risks to help and had forgiven repeatedly. I made a mistake that hurt that person, and was immediately rejected and discarded. I was so upset that I hadn’t received the same respect I had shown them. I deserved it and I expected to get what I deserved.

After listening to my story, my Dad said, “respect, don’t expect”. If I didn’t then, I now know what he meant. It doesn’t matter what others do, it matters what we do. We can’t control what we get from people but we can control what we give. Two of the beads of wisdom I have tried to pass onto my kids are to respect others and themselves, and to understand that they can only control their own behaviors and reactions, not others.  And as always, I remind myself that we teach that which we most need to learn.

My daughter returned home from school yesterday with special news. She won an award at school. For the month of September, my daughter won the respect award because her Teacher and the school Principal felt she had displayed that character trait more than any other. The example given was her ability to work with any child in the class; whether her regular seat was moved or in various group work, she displayed respect for others.

 “Why are you crying Mommy”, she asked after she shared her news. “I am happy and so proud of you,” I choked out. A smile burst across her face and jumped into my arms. I hugged her tight and whispered in her ear, “Respect don’t expect, Baby. Thanks for reminding me.”